


You Don't Know Everything, Then

by queenbaskerville



Series: Breaking the Cycle [2]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Gen, Period-Typical Homophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-03-08 23:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3228062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenbaskerville/pseuds/queenbaskerville
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing and AU scenes from 3x07.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Don't Know Everything, Then

**Author's Note:**

> tragic brandon flowers voice: it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
> 
> Thomas tells Ms. Hughes what's wrong when she finds him crying outside.

"I know you're leaving, but surely things can't be as black as all that. You're trained now. You can apply for a position as a butler." Ms. Hughes smiled at him, a genuine, comforting smile, but he didn't feel any better.

"You don't know everything, then," Thomas said miserably, trying stop his tears entirely. He'd managed to get into a standing position by now instead of relying on the wall to hold him up, and he'd managed to get out here without anyone seeing his teary face, but once he'd made it the weight of the situation came crashing down on him and he couldn't bear it anymore. His only options were to leave Downton with no reference or to go to prison, and prison wasn't an option, really. He'd never find a job again. No one in service would take him and he didn't have the skills to work anywhere else. What the hell was he going to do? He had nowhere to go and very little money saved to get by on. He had no plan. His life was over.

Ms Hughes's surprise at being in the dark didn't show for more than an instant before she became concerned. "Will you tell me everything?"

He couldn't. Thomas took one look at her and knew that he couldn't. If he did tell her, he'd see her gentle face change into something angry and appalled, and in that moment he knew that if Ms. Hughes called him foul because he kissed a man it would kill him. His face crumpled and he started to cry again. "I'm afraid if I do, Ms. Hughes, that it will shock and disgust you." Thomas clutched his hat in his hands and wouldn't look her in the eyes.

But of course she didn't listen. "Shock and disgust me? My, my. I think I have to hear it now. Come on."

He felt her arms around him, holding his shoulders and steering him towards the door, and he let her guide him, taking a little comfort in her warmth at his side. He knew she was stubborn, and if she was determined to know what was happening, she'd get it out of someone one way or another. Thomas considered it briefly and knew he'd rather tell her himself than risk what Carson would describe. 

They made it to her sitting room without incident, thank God. She let him take a seat and then sat down in her own chair. He put his hat on the little table and then regretted it, because now he had nothing to do with his hands. He opted for clasping them a little too tightly in his lap. 

"So," Ms. Hughes said, when it was clear Thomas wasn't going to be the one to break the silence, "what's the matter?"

"Mr. Carson won't give me a reference." His voice didn't shake when he said it, which he was grateful for, but he still couldn't meet her eyes. Maybe that would be enough. Maybe he wouldn't have to go into full detail.

She blinked, taken aback. "Won't give you a reference? Why not? There's no reason not to give you a reference if you're only leaving because Mr. Bates is back."

"But I'm not."

"Not what?"

"Only leaving because Mr. Bates is back." He swallowed, thinking of golden hair and a beautiful smile, and then he confessed. "It's because I kissed him."

_"Mr. Bates?!"_

"No!" He choked out a laugh at the thought. Kiss Bates? Anything but that. "Jimmy. I kissed Jimmy. I thought- but it doesn't matter what I thought. I was wrong. Jimmy's threatened to- to call the police if I'm dismissed with a good reference. It- it wasn't his idea, Ms. Hughes. He didn't think it up for himself. Somebody's put the idea in his head. I know it." He defended Jimmy quickly, but Ms. Hughes didn't seem impressed.

She didn't comment on it, though, only said, "What did you think, Thomas? I do believe it matters what you thought before you kissed him."

He took a moment to process what she was asking. "I thought he-" he paused. She hadn't said anything bad so far. "I thought he liked men. The way men liked women, not just as friends."

She made a "hmm" sound in the back of her throat. "Whatever gave you that impression?"

"When you're like me, Ms. Hughes, you go about yourself a certain way to try and see if others around you are the same. It's subtle, and usually not with words. Standing close to someone, for instance. Putting your hand on them- not in a bad place, mind- and seeing how they react. If they look uncomfortable you stop. You say certain things, try to get a feel for who they are." Thomas explained, trying not to be awkward about it but also trying not to make her uncomfortable- he didn't want her to say what he knew Mr. Carson would.

She raised an eyebrow, summing it up with, "You flirt with them."

He hesitated. "Er, yes. Sort of."

"And Jimmy seemed receptive to this?"

"Always," said Thomas miserably. "I was interpreting it wrong, I guess- he was just being friendly, but I thought he was interested."

There was silence for a moment.

"I shouldn't have kissed him in his sleep. That was wrong of me, no matter what I thought." He said suddenly. He smiled ruefully. "I wouldn't like it much if Daisy kissed  _me_  in _my_ sleep, would I?" 

"Kissing him in his sleep was definitely uncalled for," said Ms. Hughes with disapproval. "But if it was _only_ a kiss, I don't see why you should go to jail for it."

Thomas frowned. "Of course it was only a kiss." He paused.  "You think I'd-?"

She pressed her lips in a thin line. "You never know."

Thomas felt like he had missed something. "I swear I didn't," he said, "I only kissed him. That was all."

"We're going to figure something out. You'll leave with a good reference or not at all." She said sternly, but she meant it kindly.

He smiled at her, but he couldn't get his hopes up.

"Thank you, Ms. Hughes."


End file.
